My self respect journey
In life, we often hear the phrase, "The way people treat you is a reflection of how they see you." While this holds true, there's another layer to this truth: "The way you let people treat you is a reflection of the way you see yourself." As someone who has battled with low self-esteem and allowed others to walk all over me, my journey to recovery and sobriety has been instrumental in reclaiming my self-respect and establishing healthy boundaries. Let me share with you my story.
My name is Curtis, and for a significant portion of my life, I've navigated the challenges of low self-worth, both on and off the baseball field. Growing up, baseball wasn't just a game to me – it was my passion, my identity, and often, my source of validation. As a young athlete, I constantly felt the pressure to perform, to impress, and to prove my worth to coaches, teammates, and spectators.
This relentless pursuit of validation and perfection took a toll on my self-esteem. Every strikeout, every error, felt like a blow to my confidence. I internalized the expectations placed upon me, believing that my value as a person was contingent upon my success as a player. Consequently, I allowed myself to be scrutinized and critiqued, accepting mistreatment under the guise of improvement. Sure, I got to do some cool stuff and achieved a lot of my goals. But it was a cost.
This pattern persisted into my adult years, manifesting most prominently in my battle with addiction. Substance abuse became my coping mechanism, numbing the pain of rejection and inadequacy. But as I spiralled deeper into addiction, I realized that I was not only hurting myself but also perpetuating the cycle of self-destructive behaviour that stemmed from my low self-esteem. I didn't and couldn't talk about it. The biggest lie I told everyday was "I'm fine"
Rock bottom became the catalyst for change. With the support of my family and some friends who had been through this, I embarked on the journey of recovery and sobriety going into treatment. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for anyone around me. Facing my demons and confronting the root causes of my low self-esteem required immense courage and vulnerability. But with each step forward, I began to rediscover my worth.
Baseball provided me with a sense of purpose and belonging, but it also exacerbated my insecurities and fueled my self-destructive tendencies. In 2018, I emerged from treatment with a newfound determination to reclaim my identity and prove that I could be the man I once was. However, in my eagerness to rebuild my life, I fell back into old patterns of seeking validation from external sources. It's funny to me that I actually used to say I wanted to be the man I once was... because that dude was self-destructive, angry, overly competitive, and at the end of the day a hot mess.
For a few years, I remained sober, but I found myself grappling with identity issues and a lingering sense of inadequacy. Despite my outward appearance of strength and resilience, internally, I was still struggling to find my footing. I busied myself with numerous projects and commitments, hoping that by staying busy, I could drown out the voice of doubt and insecurity that lingered within me. But the voice got louder. I found myself constantly frustrated and what seemed like strength and sternness to others, was really frustration and sadness internally.
Recovery provided me with a newfound strength – a strength rooted in self-awareness and self-acceptance. I finally made the leap from sober guy to recovery guy. It took another kind of rock bottom for this though. I recommend talking to someone and putting down the shovel. Bottom is effective but holy shit it's hard... on everyone. As I learned to love myself, flaws and all, I also learned to set boundaries. No longer would I allow others to mistreat me or undermine my worth. I realized that I deserved respect – from others, but most importantly, from myself.
Establishing boundaries wasn't about shutting people out; it was about honouring myself and my needs. It meant saying no when something didn't align with my values or made me uncomfortable. It meant advocating for myself and communicating my boundaries clearly and assertively. And while this shift wasn't always met with enthusiasm from those accustomed to taking advantage of my passivity, it was necessary for my growth and well-being.
Today, I stand tall as a testament to the transformative power of self-respect and boundaries. My journey from low self-esteem to asserting boundaries has not only impacted my interpersonal relationships but also my sense of fulfillment and purpose. I no longer seek validation from external sources because I've come to realize that my worth is inherent – it comes from within.
This process is a massive key to my coaching theory now. Yes, I work with baseball players and am hard on them. As you know I yap a big game and speak my mind. But there has to be honesty throughout the process. I also make self-love a priority. I don't want players to go down the negative paths I went down in my life. That goal is right up there with getting kids to D1 Baseball!!
I was having a non-alcoholic beer with a friend/client in my office (oh ya we party) and was telling him about what I do in the baseball world. I said "I've been there... I have played pro, college scholarship, National team etc..." He responded with "as well as a debilitating addiction problem after all that" I really reflected on that conversation. You know you you are.... thank you. Constantly learning and using my daily experiences to help others.
To anyone struggling with low self-esteem or allowing others to mistreat them, I urge you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and healing. Know that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. And remember, the way you let people treat you is a reflection of the way you see yourself. Choose to see yourself as worthy, and the world will follow suit.
My journey from low self-esteem to boundaries has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. Through recovery and sobriety, I've reclaimed my self-respect and learned to honour my worth. May my story serve as a beacon of hope for anyone struggling to find their voice and assert their boundaries. You are worthy and deserve to be treated with love and respect.
If you want to hear more please reach out... I'm here to share and help
CP OUT
