Who’s really happy for you?

In the past week, I have taken a lot of time to reflect on the people in my life. I pride myself on being supportive of those in my circle and seeing the best in them. I go to bat for them and celebrate their victories with high-fives. I do this because I am truly happy with who I am. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not always perfect and can have bouts of negative thoughts toward others, especially in traffic—but I’m working on it.

Lately, I've been having this conversation a lot with clients and friends. Seeking validation is a normal thing for everyone, and disappointment from a lack of validation is also a normal feeling we experience. But why do people not feel happy for us? Everyone cheers us on to work hard and be the best we can be, yet when we reach a milestone, we often feel alone in the journey.

This has led me to consider the importance of auditing our circle. It's essential to take a step back and evaluate the people we surround ourselves with. Are they truly supportive? Do they celebrate our successes as much as they encourage our efforts? Sometimes, we need to make tough decisions about who remains in our inner circle to ensure that our environment is as positive and uplifting as possible.

So if you’re reading this then I’m happy to have you in my life. I appreciate that you’ve invested time to read this. If you have not been getting my daily emails it’s because you don’t read my emails. Especially the last one you received.

In our journey through life, we inevitably encounter a spectrum of reactions from those around us. Some people genuinely celebrate our successes, while others respond with bitterness or indifference. Understanding these reactions requires a deep dive into the human psyche, particularly how people perceive themselves and manage their mental health.

Why Are Some People Bitter?

Bitterness often stems from a sense of personal inadequacy or unfulfilled desires. When people see someone else achieving what they haven't, it can trigger feelings of envy and resentment. This isn't necessarily about the other person's success but more about the individual's own perception of their failures or lack of progress.

People who are bitter may struggle to find satisfaction in their own lives. They might feel stuck, undervalued, or unsuccessful, which can lead to projecting their frustrations onto others. Instead of addressing their issues and working towards self-improvement, they focus on what they lack compared to others. This negative mindset prevents them from genuinely celebrating the achievements of others.

The Accountability Deficit

Individuals who don't like themselves often shy away from accountability. Admitting mistakes or shortcomings requires a level of self-awareness and humility that they might find uncomfortable. It's easier to blame external factors or other people for their problems rather than confronting the reality of their situation.

This lack of accountability also ties into their inability to be happy for others. If someone constantly avoids taking responsibility for their actions and feelings, they are less likely to engage in the introspection necessary to appreciate and support someone else's success. Instead, they might view others' achievements as a reminder of their own perceived failures, deepening their sense of bitterness.

Mental Health and Happiness for Others

Taking care of one's mental health is crucial for fostering a positive outlook on life. People who neglect their mental well-being often struggle with self-esteem issues, anxiety, and depression. These conditions can cloud their judgment and make it challenging to feel joy for others.

When someone doesn't like themselves, it's difficult for them to form healthy relationships. They might feel threatened by others' happiness, as it highlights their own unhappiness. This can lead to a vicious cycle where their inability to support others further isolates them, exacerbating their mental health issues.

The Negativity Bias: Remembering the Bad Over the Good

Human beings have a natural tendency to focus on negative experiences more than positive ones. This negativity bias is a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors stay alert to potential dangers. However, in modern society, it can skew our perception of people and events.

Most people tend to remember the bad in others because negative experiences often leave a more lasting impression. A single negative interaction can overshadow numerous positive ones, leading to a distorted view of someone's character. This bias makes it easier to hold onto grudges and overlook the good that people do.

Overcoming the Negativity Bias

To truly be happy for others, we need to actively work against our negativity bias. This involves practicing gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness. By consciously focusing on the positive aspects of others and their achievements, we can cultivate a more supportive and compassionate mindset.

The Poison of Gossip

Gossiping is another behavior that often stems from unhappiness and insecurity. People who engage in gossip usually do so for a few reasons: to feel a sense of superiority, to bond with others over shared negativity, or to distract themselves from their own problems. However, this behavior is ultimately harmful to both the gossiper and the subject of the gossip.

Gossip can be a way for people to project their insecurities onto others. By highlighting someone else's flaws or mistakes, they temporarily feel better about themselves. However, this is a fleeting and superficial boost that does not address the root of their unhappiness. Instead, it perpetuates a cycle of negativity and mistrust.

People who gossip often have difficulty forming genuine connections. Trust is a fundamental component of healthy relationships, and those who gossip undermine this trust. Their relationships may be based on superficial or negative bonds, which are unlikely to provide the deep, supportive connections that contribute to true happiness.

Overcoming Gossiping

To move away from gossiping, it's essential to focus on personal growth and positive communication. Building self-esteem, practicing empathy, and finding healthier ways to bond with others can help break the habit of gossip. Encouraging open and honest conversations and celebrating others' successes can foster a more positive and supportive environment.

The Facade of Pretending to Be Happy for Others

Another layer of complexity in human interactions is the phenomenon of people pretending to be happy for you. This facade can be particularly challenging to navigate because it often stems from a mix of social pressures and personal insecurities.

People might pretend to be happy for you because they feel it's the socially acceptable thing to do. They might fear being judged for not showing support or worry about the repercussions of expressing their true feelings. This pretense, however, can be easily detected, as genuine happiness is hard to fake. The lack of sincerity can create an undercurrent of tension and mistrust.

Those who pretend to be happy for you are often grappling with their own issues of self-worth. They might feel threatened by your success, viewing it as a reminder of their own shortcomings. Instead of confronting these feelings and working on self-improvement, they choose to put on a facade. This behavior not only affects their relationships but also hampers their own emotional growth and happiness.

Overcoming the Facade

To overcome the facade of pretending to be happy for others, it’s important to foster genuine connections and self-awareness. This involves recognizing and addressing one's insecurities, practicing self-compassion, and being honest about one's feelings. Encouraging open dialogue and creating a safe space for expressing true emotions can help build more authentic and supportive relationships.

Celebrating Each Other's Successes

True happiness for others comes from a place of self-contentment and mental well-being. When we are at peace with ourselves and take responsibility for our lives, we can genuinely celebrate the successes of those around us. Overcoming bitterness, fostering accountability, addressing our mental health, avoiding gossip, and being honest about our feelings are essential steps in this journey. By doing so, we not only improve our own lives but also create a more supportive and positive environment for everyone.

CP OUT